From Mars and Venus …!

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?
Well, here’s a prime example offered by an English professor at an
American University. In-class Assignment for Wednesday today we
will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.

The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting
to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph
of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another
paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so
on back and forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the
story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish
to say must be written on the paper.

The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca – last name deleted, and Gary – last name deleted.

– – – – – –

STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile,
which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,now reminded her too
much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she
felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was
suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting
up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

– – – – – –

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in
orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses
of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one
sweaty night over a year ago. A.S. Harris to Geo-station 17, he said into his
trans-galacticcommunicator. Polar orbit established.
No sign of resistance so far…
But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and
blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

– – – – – –

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities
towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently
Abolishing War and Space Travel,”Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.
The news simultaneously excited her and bored her.She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree with
no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent
wonder at all the beautiful things around her why must one lose one’s
innocence to become a woman? she pondered wistfully.

– – – – – –

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to
destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
to pulverize the entire planet.With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated
their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive
explosion which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other
Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table.
We can’t allow this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow ’em out of the sky!
– – – – – –
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
– – – – – –
Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts a writing
are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I
have some other sort of Fu.c.king Tea ?
Oh no I’m such a air headed bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels.

– A.s.shole.
– Bi.tch.
– Wanker.
– Sl.ut.
– Get fu.c.ked.
– Eat sh.i.t.

Fu.c.k You – You Neanderthal !!

Go Drink Some Tea – Wh.ore    . . .